When I think back to my early performance reviews, I remember walking in with one hope: please tell me I’m doing well enough.
I didn’t have language for it at the time, but that’s what it was. I wasn’t looking for direction. I was looking for reassurance. Am I doing enough? Am I progressing fast enough? Am I impressing you?
Later, I got “smarter” about it.
I started preparing. I’d list out the projects I’d worked on, the types of structures I’d designed, the technical gaps I could see. It became a tidy little audit of my “hard” skills. It was better than nothing. But it still missed something important.
At no point did I ask myself whether I was actually enjoying what I was doing day to day. Whether the majority of my tasks energised me or drained me. Whether I was bringing my best self to the role… or simply coping and getting it done.
That shift didn’t happen until I was asked to write out goals and a five-year plan. I remember thinking, I’m just here to do my job well, why are we talking about this?
Goals felt corporate and box-ticky to me. But once I sat with it, I started to notice patterns: the problems I naturally gravitated towards, the tasks that lit me up, the ones I didn’t necessarily enjoy, but could still do if I needed to.
Over time, performance reviews stopped feeling like verdicts and started feeling like direction.
I then found myself on the other side of the table facilitating performance reviews. And I didn’t want my team members walking into that room bracing for impact. I wanted them walking in clear on where they were strong, where they wanted to grow, and how we could align that with what the business needed next.
Because here’s what I’ve come to believe:
Performance reviews only feel heavy when we attach identity to them. When feedback becomes a statement about who I am rather than information about what I’m doing, it’s almost impossible not to feel defensive. And when we walk in seeking validation, we hand over the narrative of our year to someone else entirely.
But there is another way to approach them.
As a team member, it starts with reflection. Where did you add value? Where did you stretch? Where did you feel engaged and energised? And where did you feel consistently flat?
Just because you can do something well does not mean it should automatically become a staple of your role.
Many high achievers are very good at coping. They can perform across a wide range of tasks, even when those tasks don’t align with their strengths. But over time, coping creates friction, fatigue and eventually, disengagement.
If your energy is consistently invested in areas that don’t play to your strengths, performance might hold for a while, but fulfilment won’t. And that’s not a win for you or for the business.
Strength and energy alignment is a win-win.
When you’re operating in your zones of genius as much as practical, you produce better outcomes because you naturally take more initiative and you sustain performance for longer. As a leader, having clarity on where someone thrives allows you to shape work in a way that benefits everyone.
From the leadership side, there’s responsibility too.
If the annual review is the only time meaningful feedback is shared, of course it will feel loaded. Regular check-ins make feedback familiar, they allow for small course corrections instead of big annual shocks.
You also need to check your own emotional regulation. You will likely hear things that surprise you or challenge your assumptions. The work isn’t to eliminate that internal reaction. It’s to pause long enough to respond with curiosity rather than defensiveness.
Because feedback, on both sides, is data. Not identity.
So, if you’re heading into a performance review soon, here’s the challenge:
Don’t just prepare a list of tasks you completed.
Prepare an understanding of where you invested your time and energy last year.
Think ahead to what you want in the future.
From there, you’ll be able to unpack what you want more of, what you want less of and the direction you’re interested in heading.
That isn’t fluffy. It’s strategic.
🎧 This week on Unwind Your Mind, I unpack this from both sides of the table in the episode: How to Get the Most Out of Performance Reviews (From Both Sides of the Table).
You can listen to the episode on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.
When we stop treating performance reviews like verdicts and start treating them like alignment conversations, the experience is completely different.
We’re no longer outsourcing our worth to the outcome. We’re actively shaping our career direction.
– Nat
PS What has your experience been previously in performance reviews? Reply to this email, I’d love to hear all about it.
PPS If you’d like a bit more structure before your next review, I’ve put together guides for both team members and managers. They’ll be available on Shareify in the next couple of weeks. I’ll let you know as soon as they’re live.
