I’ve seen this on both sides of the table.
From a leader or senior team member:
“I don’t understand why I have to keep following this up… I thought they’d take more ownership by now.”
From a team member:
“I thought I was doing exactly what was needed to… I didn’t understand why he’s frustrated.”
And my response to both of them is often the same:
“Have the expectations of the role actually been clearly explained?”
Because more often than not, what looks like a performance issue… is actually a clarity issue.
There’s a moment I see come up a lot in conversations with clients and it’s at that point where frustration has already built. The leader or senior team member is redoing work, feeling stretched, wondering why things aren’t landing the way they expected.
The team member is second-guessing themselves, trying to read between the lines, wondering what they missed.
And both of them are working hard, both of them care. But they’re operating from two completely different versions of what “good” looks like.
That gap… is where most of the tension lives.
One of the most useful shifts here isn’t about working harder or communicating more often. It’s about getting specific about something we often keep vague:
What does “good” look like in this role?
Not just in terms of tasks either, but in terms of ownership, initiative, communication. These are the parts that are usually assumed.
A leader might be thinking:
“They should be thinking ahead more.”
“They should be bringing solutions, not just problems.”
But unless that’s been clearly explained, the team member is left to guess. And when people are guessing, they tend to go one of two ways. They either stay too narrow, waiting to be told exactly what to do so they don’t overstep. Or they go too broad, taking on things that were never actually theirs to carry.
Neither of those are capability issues, they’re boundary issues, and boundaries don’t exist unless they’ve been made visible.
This is where Brené Brown’s idea you’ve probably heard before becomes very real in practice: Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.
I’m not saying clarity is always comfortable in the moment, but without it, people are left trying to pass a test they didn’t know they were sitting. They’re watching reactions, interpreting tone, adjusting based on what gets corrected after the fact. And that takes a surprising amount of energy. Energy that could have gone into doing the work well.
The part I think gets missed most is this: Clarity actually creates independence. Not the other way around.
Because when someone understands:
- What they’re responsible for.
- What success looks like.
- Where their ownership starts and ends.
They don’t need constant checking. They don’t need to come back for every decision. They have a reference point.
And I want to point out, this goes both ways.
If you’re leading, there’s an opportunity to notice: “Where am I feeling frustrated… and have I actually explained what I’m expecting here?”
And if you’re on the receiving end:
You don’t have to wait for clarity to be handed to you (or complain when you don’t receive it) instead you can ask for it:
“What would high performance look like here?”
“What does ownership at this level actually mean to you?”
Because at the end of the day, most teams aren’t struggling because people don’t care. They’re struggling because people are trying to align without a shared definition of what they’re aligning to. And once that becomes clear, everything else gets a little easier to navigate.
This is something I unpack further in this week’s episode: 🎧 Clarity Is Kind: The Missing Piece in Team Performance Part 1
If this topic resonates with you, listen to the episode on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.
When you step back and look at where frustration is showing up, it’s often not as personal as it first feels. Sometimes it’s simply pointing to something that hasn’t been made clear yet.
– Nat
PS If you’re noticing this dynamic in your team (or in your own role), listen to the episode, it’ll help you pinpoint where the gap might actually be.
PPS If this is something you’re navigating right now, you’re always welcome to reply to this email. Sometimes a small shift in how something is framed can change the entire dynamic.
